Thursday, September 18, 2008

Review: Babylon A.D. (here be spoilers)

I've never reviewed a movie before, I not really much of a writer, unless you want a technical report on some feature of geology. But I went to see said movie and just had to write down my thoughts, such as they are:
One, I love Vin Diesel, yes his movies or often weak, but come on, XXX was a shitload of fun. He is a lot like Kevin Costner; Costner always plays Costner in movies, so does Diesel. This movie is no exception. On the other hand, it’s exactly what we expected from Diesel.
Two, it's a very Calontiri movie, everybody dies, and nobody gets laid. Toorop's nemesis dies, the tigers die, bystanders die, the guy in the cage dies, more bystanders die, Toorop’s associate dies, Aurora's chaperon dies, Aurora's creator dies, Toorop dies ... twice, and Aurora dies... that one I don’t get, why did she die? Her death did not advance the plot (that I could tell). Oh ya, and her "mother" doesn't.... there is so much left dangling all over this movie, I then find out why, Fox Studios cut 70 minutes out of the movie, the editing was so bad, that the director disavowed the movie. WTF.
I hope this movie doesn’t take long to come out on DVD, in a directors cut, it will be hyper violent, but that’s to be expected, but it should make more sense. I truly hate it when a movie leaves me so dissatisfied. 1 out of 4 stars.

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